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übersicht / ray's plan / The most boring film ever madesuchen login  hilfe!
 
raywer ist ray?beitrag bearbeiten 21. Mär 200823:32:22 vor 3294 tagen
Imagine you're Thomas Bangalter, quite successful musician with a group called Daft Punk (and not bad at all, I should say). Now you want to make a movie. You order 200 back issues of American Cinematographer. You read through all of them. You piece together some kind of story that may be good for a short film of, say, 5 minutes. Actually, more like a music video. Quite a boring music video at that, because the music is too long for the story you have to tell, so scenes repeat -- there are lots of music videos like that, so well.

But you want to make a proper feature film, good for one evening. No problem, because you just learned -- from American Cinematographer -- all interesting camera angles anybody has ever shot. And you wanted to shoot all of them anyway, because they're just so cool. So you lengthen every scene so you can shoot them from lots of different directions. You also add some boring scenes that are not important at all for the story, but may be wedged into the film without being completely out of place: Boy dropping ice cream cone, happy couple just married standing outside the church and so on. Take care to shoot them in the most stereotypical way possible. Use gratitious slo-mo. Also, dispose with any dialogue, because cool people don't speak much, like in cowboy films. Or maybe you think you're Tarkowskij, and there's an awful lot of silence there as well, isn't it? Or maybe you're just used to music videos.

Behold: Electroma, the first time I ever whished I could sleep during films. I can't in general, and also the projector was too loud.

Before that one, I saw The Criminal Life of Archibaldo de la Cruz. Quite amusing and surprising in that it has a real story and only few surreal elements. But nothing spectacular. Maybe I should have studied Art History to catch all the symbolism, but whatever.

Other boredoms in my recent past (not those): Singing an early Renaissance passion piece telling the whole friggin' passion of John without any Arias, Chorals and only very few interesting harmonic changes. Standing on a movie set waiting for something. Like: Actors rehearsing. Rain stopping. Passers-by passing.

The movie shoot was quite a blast anyway. And in addition to the Daser desaster, we had Rihm. And fresh trout afterwards. And pear cake. Yay!
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